so, i'm kind of tired of having the uber awkward conversation about what happened to me on monday with people (you know, the oh-so-usual conversation of "hey" "hey" "how's it going" "okay" "okay?" "well, i was hit by a truck" thing tends to freak people out). so, i figured this would be a viable outlet to let just about everyone i've ever met in my entire life in on what happened while skipping people looking at me like i'm a ticking time bomb.
the set up:
there's a girl (let's call her: christine hammond) sitting on a bench holding a box of donuts she bought for her co-worker's birthday (remember the donuts for later. this is what we like to call a "smoking gun") waiting for everyone else to get to work and open up.
enter vehicle number one (let's call it: gray F250) heading north on myrtle avenue.
enter vehicle number two (let's call it: white van) backing out of a diagonal parking spot on myrtle avenue
vehicle number one (gray f250) swerves to miss vehicle number two (white van) and hits vehicle number three (not yet introduced, but has no other point in the story)heading south on myrtle.
f250 loses control and hits girl on bench (christine hammond), sending her into the street, and continues out of control halfway through building number one (let's call it: vitaganza)
pandemonium.
christine hammond is covered in jelly donut (from aforementioned "smoking gun" birthday donuts) which she is convinced is blood oozing from her thigh. it isn't. it is just the comedic element that needs to shine through in any story involving me.
well, that's pretty much the long and the short of it. i've got some bruising and a couple of fractured ribs, but it could have been a lot worse. it probably should have been a lot worse. i'm very grateful to have not died. i'm unbelievably thankful to have the friends and family that i have. i practically have my own little shrine from all of the care packages i've received. thank you so much for being a part of my life. i know it's corny, but having the threat of everything you love taken away makes you appreciate it all. so thank you.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
it is you, peter.
I haven't written in this thing for a while. in fact, i'm not one hundred percent positive anyone even reads this any more. not that they did. things have changed since the last time we spoke, dear cyberland. first off, i don't capitalize much any more. i feel like it wastes my time, and that i'm pretty confident in my capitalization where-with-all. secondly, i've discovered pandora. oh. my. god. seriously, what a brilliant idea. other than that, nothing too notable. i still enjoy writing late at night (although, truth be told, i feel a little rusty), and this will invariably be long and nonsensical and uninteresting.
i'm doing laundry. i just wish there could be one time in my life when doing laundry wasn't an epic experience. you know, when picking the clothes off the floor and smelling them wasn't the way i figured out what needed to be washed. i'm on my fifth load. MY FIFTH LOAD. what?! and the real irony is that i guarantee i'll wake up tomorrow and hate everything i own. i will wear the same three articles of clothing over and over, but inexplicably feel the need to take everything out of my closet and step on it a few times until it's so wrinkled that i say (to myself. i do that. don't judge me.), "i will literally never iron this. might as well wash it and see if that fixes the problem"... and we end up at square one. it's the cross i have to bear.
now that all of my clothes are being washed, it's cleared up a lot of floor space (which has been hiding for... i don't know... the last one or two... decades), and man am i finding some interesting things. like, for instance, six cell phones. not all in one piece, and certainly not all in working condition, but it's a little worrisome when your room is a cell phone grave yard. not only that, but i saved all of my old cell phone chargers (you know, just in case). between car chargers and wall chargers and car charger to wall charger converters, i must have dozens of chargers. that is absolutely insane. i realize that. what could possibly need to be charged that requires DOZENS of chargers? certainly not my phones that don't work. the kicker: i have NO idea where the charger for the phone i currently use is. i have to charge it via computer, which takes forever and is not terribly effective. classic christine.
i was thinking about changing "classic christine" into something with a better connotation. you know, like "pulling a monica" from friends. i'm just not sure if it would be as accurate. i found no less than sixteen bjs check presenters under my dresser in a stack. obviously at one point, i thought it necessary to keep them. why? was i going to return them? that's not weird. bjs swat team would probably jump out of the bushes and kill me for having so many check presenters. along with them were four employee cards and a baby-doll tee. we didn't wear baby-doll tees for at least a year before i quit, and i will NEVER wear that shirt again. you know what i did throw away? my nonslip shoes. you know what the ONLY thing i have needed in the last six months since i worked at bjs is? my nonslip shoes. classic christine.
i also found a lot of untitled mixes. i went through a phase where i thought that i would like the music i liked at that moment for the rest. of. my. life. because of this, i thought it would be cute if i never labeled them so that future christine could be pleasantly surprised when she found them strewn about (i've always had an affinity for strewning things. i don't think "strewning" is a word. i don't care. i do, however, think "strewning" looks borderline obscene. sort of like the time i accidentally wrote the word "reaction" "eraction"... ANYWAY). these cds are AWFUL. i mean, really bad. there are one or two songs that i still like, but apparently at one point of my life i thought that the song "sexy love" by neyo (neo? ne-yo? does it matter?) would stand the test of time. if you're reading this thinking, "hey! i like that song!" you should take your hand, extend it straight out in front of you, and karate chop yourself in the neck.
speaking of music, why is norah jones so awesome? that's all. she's just so awesome that she needed her own paragraph.
i really have nothing else to say, and i think my next load is dry, but in my travels, i also found all of my old notebooks and i read them all for the first time. ever. my advice to you: keep a journal. it's an incredible thing to look back on who you were and what made you tick. my next piece of advice: if you're going to wash your bedding, do that first so you aren't up until way past your bedtime waiting for something to sleep on. classic christine.
i'm doing laundry. i just wish there could be one time in my life when doing laundry wasn't an epic experience. you know, when picking the clothes off the floor and smelling them wasn't the way i figured out what needed to be washed. i'm on my fifth load. MY FIFTH LOAD. what?! and the real irony is that i guarantee i'll wake up tomorrow and hate everything i own. i will wear the same three articles of clothing over and over, but inexplicably feel the need to take everything out of my closet and step on it a few times until it's so wrinkled that i say (to myself. i do that. don't judge me.), "i will literally never iron this. might as well wash it and see if that fixes the problem"... and we end up at square one. it's the cross i have to bear.
now that all of my clothes are being washed, it's cleared up a lot of floor space (which has been hiding for... i don't know... the last one or two... decades), and man am i finding some interesting things. like, for instance, six cell phones. not all in one piece, and certainly not all in working condition, but it's a little worrisome when your room is a cell phone grave yard. not only that, but i saved all of my old cell phone chargers (you know, just in case). between car chargers and wall chargers and car charger to wall charger converters, i must have dozens of chargers. that is absolutely insane. i realize that. what could possibly need to be charged that requires DOZENS of chargers? certainly not my phones that don't work. the kicker: i have NO idea where the charger for the phone i currently use is. i have to charge it via computer, which takes forever and is not terribly effective. classic christine.
i was thinking about changing "classic christine" into something with a better connotation. you know, like "pulling a monica" from friends. i'm just not sure if it would be as accurate. i found no less than sixteen bjs check presenters under my dresser in a stack. obviously at one point, i thought it necessary to keep them. why? was i going to return them? that's not weird. bjs swat team would probably jump out of the bushes and kill me for having so many check presenters. along with them were four employee cards and a baby-doll tee. we didn't wear baby-doll tees for at least a year before i quit, and i will NEVER wear that shirt again. you know what i did throw away? my nonslip shoes. you know what the ONLY thing i have needed in the last six months since i worked at bjs is? my nonslip shoes. classic christine.
i also found a lot of untitled mixes. i went through a phase where i thought that i would like the music i liked at that moment for the rest. of. my. life. because of this, i thought it would be cute if i never labeled them so that future christine could be pleasantly surprised when she found them strewn about (i've always had an affinity for strewning things. i don't think "strewning" is a word. i don't care. i do, however, think "strewning" looks borderline obscene. sort of like the time i accidentally wrote the word "reaction" "eraction"... ANYWAY). these cds are AWFUL. i mean, really bad. there are one or two songs that i still like, but apparently at one point of my life i thought that the song "sexy love" by neyo (neo? ne-yo? does it matter?) would stand the test of time. if you're reading this thinking, "hey! i like that song!" you should take your hand, extend it straight out in front of you, and karate chop yourself in the neck.
speaking of music, why is norah jones so awesome? that's all. she's just so awesome that she needed her own paragraph.
i really have nothing else to say, and i think my next load is dry, but in my travels, i also found all of my old notebooks and i read them all for the first time. ever. my advice to you: keep a journal. it's an incredible thing to look back on who you were and what made you tick. my next piece of advice: if you're going to wash your bedding, do that first so you aren't up until way past your bedtime waiting for something to sleep on. classic christine.
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